The Uncool Mother

The ten year-old came in from playing outside yesterday and asked me for “that weird glass” from the kitchen cabinet so she could get herself a glass of water.

The “weird glass” in the cabinet was, in fact, the 7Up Uncola glass. For those of you born in the sixties and seventies, there need be no further explanation.

For the rest of you young’uns, 7Up used to have an advertising campaign in the seventies labeling the fizzy, clear drink as “the Uncola.” They did this whole dramatic thing where they turned an ordinary soda glass upside down and poured 7Up into the underside of the glass. And then drank from it. We were amused by simpler things back then. Don’t even get me started on Dr. Pepper.

I tried to explain this to the ten year-old, who stared at me blankly. She didn’t even know what an “ordinary soda glass” was because she’d never had an ice cream soda at an ice cream counter. God, I had to get on that. Did she remember that time we took her took Eddie’s Sweet Shop in Forest Hills when she was two?  The one with the marble counters and the metal sundae cups? And the…

She kept staring. “Uh-huh. OK, Mom. Can I have the glass now?”

And then it hit me. I have a preteen. And I’m a completely Uncool Mother.

Get me a glass, would you? No, no, not a drinking glass. A wine glass as big as the ones they put on top of pianos for tips. Yes, I know that’s a brandy snifter. On days like this, we call it an ample wine glass. Now, go. Quickly.

I’m leaving my seventies playlist on this post today. Because I’m taking my ample wine glass out back to sit in my lawn chair and listen to my youth, dammit.

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